It’s been another week of ups & downs here at the cabin. The Labor Day weekend was really nice. We got a few chores done, and spent time just relaxing together. We watched the movie “ The Last Sin Eater” on Sunday. If you haven’t seen it – you need to. The name sounds a little disturbing; but then again, the first five minutes or so of the movie make you wonder just what you got a hold of. The movie will grip you right at the beginning and hang on to you until the end. The description on the movie case was so vague, I got it solely on the fact that it was directed by Michael Landon Jr. By the time it was over, I was really convinced that the man can sure pick ‘em. And for a surprise or two, watch the special features afterward.
We’re still having issues with our water. The stuff never did seem to clear up after they put the new pump in. The well driller was supposed to have been here today, but as late as it is, I guess he’ll be here tomorrow. Clean, running water is truly a blessing I won’t take for granted again.
I got an email earlier from a new friend. She had just read through Mountain Home for the first time and sent the sweetest note. I bring this up only because of a comment she had made. She said that the blog indicated that I seem to be at peace with myself. I wish that were the case. Most days I’m my own worst enemy. Even though God has forgiven me, I still beat up on myself on a regular basis. I would love to fold my hands, stand up tall, and in my most pious voice say that I may not be at peace with myself but I’m at peace with God. If I were to do that, lightening would probably strike me dead. In all truthfulness, I’m one of God’s more challenging children. I fuss when I don’t get my way, often to the point where I can almost hear God talking to my guardian angel,
“Reach over there and smack her upside the head.”
“Are you sure Sir?”
“Yes I’m sure, and tell her that if she doesn’t straighten up, I’m going to do it myself next time.”
I’m like all children, I want my own way – and I want it in my own time. I can get all ‘spiritual’ when God says yes. I can even get pretty insufferable when He says no, and that’s the answer I wanted to hear. For example, when someone used to asked me to work on a special project at church and I was too tired. Everyone would pray about it, and God would give them a better candidate for the job, (without my help).
Have you ever really wanted something, been told no, and immediately revert back to your teenage personality?
God says “No”
My first words are, “Why not?”
God says “No”
My next response is to whine “It’s not fair!”
God says “No”
I immediately start reminding Him of all the times in my life where I have done even the tiniest good deed. (Is this not the dumbest thing imaginable?! Be honest, you do it too!)
God says “NO, and that’s final.”
I pout, but what can you do at that point? He’s God. I had already pushed way over the line. It’s amazing to me just why He puts up with me.
I guess the most frustrating answer to me is “Maybe or Not yet”. It’s then that I revert all the way back to toddler stage. My Mama had a phrase that describes my behavior to a T – I would literally ‘dingy-dong’ her to death when I was impatient for an answer. I do the same thing to God.
Am I proud of any of this? NO. But at least I’m honest about it. The Bible says to “FEAR THE LORD”. I truly do fear Him. After all, He created spiders & snakes; and I read the Old Testament. I know what happens when He gets angry. But He also made me, twisted sense of humor and all. That is proof positive that He is patient and very forgiving.
There’s a lot about God that I don’t understand. Why He does the things He does in the manner in which He does them is very confusing to me. But, as in the case of Job, it’s not for me to understand. He’s God. The only thing I do understand is when He says that if we come to Him and tell Him that we’re sorry for our sins, He will forgive us. I might have a hard time forgiving myself, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that He has forgiven me. He’s God. He says what He means, and means what He says.
No Christian ever truly outgrows being a ‘child’ of God. We just vary in our own personal stages of childhood. That’s why it makes me laugh when folks start acting all ‘holier than thou’. I’ve tried it, and one good smack from my angel set me straight. Saints, look around you, we’re all just children on the playground called earth. We serve a mighty and awesome God! And yes, He has a sense of humor. He made mankind.
Have a wonderful day, and may the Lord bless you.